Today We Light the Candle of Love

“For God so loved the world…” John 3:16 KJV

The central message of Christmas is that God is love. Motivated by love, he left his privileged position to come to earth and share in the life of a human being. He didn’t keep his distance but became one of us and experienced the joys, suffering and eventual death that are inescapable parts of being human. To borrow a pop psychology term, this was his “love language”.

A Personal Essay

I am a product of love. The love of parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and a whole raft of aunts, uncles, cousins, as well as brothers and sons. The love of the young man I married and made a life with for twenty years before we went our own ways. The love of friends, colleagues, students and clients.

I know that in this regard I’ve led a charmed life. Many people in this world have been and continue to be starved of love. 

My parents made it their life’s mission to channel God’s love in this world, my mother through her work as a nurse and both of them as ministers of the gospel. They wanted everyone they encountered to know that, regardless of their situation in life, God loved and cared for them. That their lives had purpose and meaning. That if they stayed close to him, God would guide them, protect them, comfort them in times of trouble and never, ever, leave them alone. 

I find it easy to express my love and appreciation for others both verbally and physically. But I shy away from the acts of service that my parents devoted themselves to. Probably because I was expected to give so much of myself to others as a child and I resented it. I used to feel stingy because of my resistance. As I’ve grown older I have come to value my own ways of loving.

Reflections and Action

Writer Gary Chapman has suggested that there are five different love languages: words of affirmation, touch, acts of service, time and gifts. More recently two additional love languages, intellectual engagement and empathy, have been proposed. 

Reflection: How do you prefer to express love? How do you prefer to have love expressed to you?

“To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say, and to finish without knowing what you have written.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Italian philosopher

Action: Write a love letter to someone you love.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

Reflection: Whose love has been a source of strength for you? When has loving someone or something given you courage?

“Passion makes the world go ’round. Love just makes it a safer place.” Ice-T, American rapper

Reflection: This quote made me think about the difference between love and passion and the relationship between love and safety. What do you make of it?

“Make love, not war.” Anti-war chant from the 60s.

Reflection: I am pondering the relationship between love and war. How love of tribe, country and cause can be co-opted and used by the powerful to manipulate the honourable and incite them to war. What do you think of the relationship between love and war?

Intentions

This year I will open myself to receiving love from many sources. 

I will seek to make love instead of war.

I will become more skillful in the way I express my love for others.

I will tap into love as a source of strength and courage.

A Blessing

As you light the candle of love this season, I bless you with a heightened experience of love. May you be receptive to the love that is offered to you and skillful in the love you offer to others. May you experience love to be a source of both strength and courage in the coming year.