People remark lately on how happy I am. And it’s true. I pretty much radiate happiness these days. Even when I am tired or sick or confused or anxious, I can feel the happiness like a rebounder underneath.
There are many reasons for this happiness. I think one is just my stage of life because 50 is such a freeing number. But for the rest it is that I have moved from a period of restriction, where my work was directed by an employer and my choices determined by the need to put food on the table and repair the roof over my head, into a period of freedom. I am living my life in my own way, by my own values, according to my own pace, passion and preferences. I am spending a lot of time on the open road exploring. And I am experiencing creative renewal and expression that I have rarely permitted myself before.
I never feel myself in a confined space. Whether that space be physical, emotional, intellectual or cultural. I am restless and pace up and down like a caged lion. There is something in me that always years for the open road, the sense of possibility, the freedom to experiment to see what happens any where a particular road might lead.
The blog posts written during my period working inside a large corporation are a hodgepodge of metaphors. But they all express my pining and my longing to be free.
This period when I hitched myself to a wagon for wages was not a waste of time. The decision was not a mistake. When I hit a tough patch on my own, I was wise enough to swallow my pride and join up with others.
I joined a wonderful organization. The work was worthy, the people dedicated, and we did good things together. We made an impact and that’s not easy. It’s impossible for anyone to do on their own. It takes a team working together, with purpose and perseverance to make meaningful change in something as complex as a large corporation.
I learned an enormous amount, about organizations, and how people function within them, what it really takes to lead, and the nature of creating change in this kind of environment. I also learned how to boil down my abstract thinking into bit sized packages that can be ingested and absorbed by the organization. I saw how small changes, when widely adopted can literally change the culture of a place.
But it was not for me.
At what proved to be the end of my period of confinement, I wrote A Middle Aged Woman in a Mini Cooper. Soon afterwards I bought a little red VW Rabbit and drove off in it, headed for the open road again. Months later I still feel the feeling of exhilaration every morning.
Three morals in this story,
1. I am a free bird (wild horse, little red Rabbit).
2. The wise bird takes shelter in a storm.
3. But her happiness lives on the wing.
Yours with creativity and imagination,